The thing about the Internet is that it’s awesome. I really don’t care if we actually did go to the moon, because we came up with Pinterest.
In your time trawling online wedding inspiration you have probably come across the whole ‘will you be my bridesmaid’ phenomenon. I can’t believe I was ever on top of a new trend, but I can distinctly remember the particular blog post that started it all. (Which was about *cough* 6 years ago. I got engaged young. Real young. Like just out of the birth canal). The basic concept is take a cute item + add ‘will you be my bridesmaid’ inscription = total blog post worthy moment in life.
What a great idea! I thought to myself. Another way our wedding can be totally unique and awesome! This will blow peoples minds! (I’m dead serious. This was my reaction).
Well, I don’t know about you. But for me, having a great idea is one thing. Getting around to actually doing it is another. Insert a long engagement and setting my heart on making it into a whole-big-thing the decision about who would actually make up my bridal party dragged on. It started to feel to me that when I finally did ask my bridesmaids, the gesture needed to bigger and bigger. I was thinking balloons on doorsteps, big banners (again dead serious), ringing the doorbell and running away to hide and giggle in delight (I’m still, totally dead serious. Welcome to my mind).
One day My Bestie brought the bridesmaid topic up and I was tired of dodging the conversation. I needed some help figuring out the rest of my side of the bridal party. I knew that she was always going to be my maid of honour, but I hadn’t actually gotten around to telling her (see said crazy above). We talked about everyone else I was considering (but her...) and I left smug and confident that she had no idea what was going on and how my big-crazy-gesture would totally blow her mind.
I was correct. She had no idea.
Cue her ringing me the next day in tears because she couldn’t understand how she wasn’t even being considered. Well.done.me.
I am glad to be able to tell you I dropped the whole charade right there and told her she was totally my maid of honour and it was pretty much the first decision I had made. It may have taken half an hour of reassurance and explanation but she believed me eventually (and forgave…. eventually?).
It is clear to me now what I didn’t realise at the time. I felt like everything I did when approaching my wedding needed to be Pinterest worthy – it needed to stop people in their tracks, be completely unique and creative and something I made myself. Even if it never did, I subconsciously expected that it would end up online and thus needed to meet my perfectionist standards of being a completely true expression of myself.
What I should have done is ask myself:
- Do I love design? Yes.
- Do I love beautiful things? Yes.
- Would a beautifully designed ‘Will you be my bridesmaid’ card, available for purchase and that I didn’t have to make myself have achieved my goal? Um, well YES. YES IT WOULD.
- Did I actually have the money to spend on balloons and banners and glitter for the big better idea, or the time to follow through when I was attending full-time University and still working 30 hours a week while saving for and planning a wedding? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…...no. No I didn’t.
And if I had asked myself these questions, I might have just saved us a whole lot of trouble and brought a beautifully designed card that I didn’t have to make (which is the whole point of said beautiful cards!) and the heart and impact of the gesture would have remained intact.
I may also have realized that other people don’t really care about all this wedding stuff as much as you think they do. We get sucked in to the rabbit hole of inspiration and start thinking it needs to be bigger and better and more complicated.
She really will be just as happy to hear you ask the question, followed by “because I love your guts".